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Thursday, August 19, 2004
You have mail, Mistress
Your thin end for today:
Male Bag
My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight. He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
He said - I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.
She said - I'll miss you.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you've succeeded.
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b**tard.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Yeah...
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Male Bag
My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight. He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
He said - I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.
She said - I'll miss you.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you've succeeded.
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b**tard.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Yeah...
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