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Saturday, August 21, 2004
Not quite a one-liner
Your thin end for today:
If you have been reading this blog long, you will know that not only do I enjoy fine art, but I'm a really sick puppy. This site marries the two together better than I could ever have imagined.
Enjoy :-)
Today's prophesy - The meaning of life will not be found in the bottom of your handbag. This means you, Big Boy.
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If you have been reading this blog long, you will know that not only do I enjoy fine art, but I'm a really sick puppy. This site marries the two together better than I could ever have imagined.
Enjoy :-)
Today's prophesy - The meaning of life will not be found in the bottom of your handbag. This means you, Big Boy.
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Supersize your fries
Your thin end for today:
I have a great deal to thank Colin for. He has provided me with the means to educate myself in the true meaning of Life.
And the answer isn't 42. My mate Douglas got it wrong.
The key to the Meaning of Life is in creating one of two things - either the longest, most content-explicit domain name possible, such as:
Oh, and I am truly fullfilled (in a completely non-dyke way, thank you very much!) by the beautiful pictures of nubile nymphettes posing seductively with lots of skin and not a lot else that cover the panorama that is my monitor when I am updating the server spam-filters and getting a crash course in Pharmaceuticals and how to save lots of moolah whilst building a billion dollar Empire based on shonky marketing practices.
But I have to say that last week, when confronted with a highly sexually explicit image of a group of gay men practicing their anally inventive backdoor techniques, I felt my brain saying "so that's how they do it" whilst very rapidly hitting the "delete" button and being grateful that my kids weren't around to see it.
It could have been worse, it could have been the Polish Farmyard Porn picture with the woman wanking a horse or the Russian Farmyard Porn on with the woman fellating a dog. There are some terribly sick bastards in the world...
I bet those gay boys can give some good tips on giving head, though.
Today's prophesy - Your ass is happy.
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I have a great deal to thank Colin for. He has provided me with the means to educate myself in the true meaning of Life.
And the answer isn't 42. My mate Douglas got it wrong.
The key to the Meaning of Life is in creating one of two things - either the longest, most content-explicit domain name possible, such as:
- gottagetbignow.com (oh yeah?)
- justenlargeme.com
- getitbigfast.info
- saveheapsonpills.com (if you insist)
- youtouchedmeandismiled.com (oh yeah??)
- goodessenceproduct.com (like bad essence is gonna sell?)
- direct-marketing-business.com (gee, I wonder what they do?)
- squirtyourload.com (my personal fav)
- hgkkdc.com
- lvrbnk.info
- heaem.info
- duureea.com
Oh, and I am truly fullfilled (in a completely non-dyke way, thank you very much!) by the beautiful pictures of nubile nymphettes posing seductively with lots of skin and not a lot else that cover the panorama that is my monitor when I am updating the server spam-filters and getting a crash course in Pharmaceuticals and how to save lots of moolah whilst building a billion dollar Empire based on shonky marketing practices.
But I have to say that last week, when confronted with a highly sexually explicit image of a group of gay men practicing their anally inventive backdoor techniques, I felt my brain saying "so that's how they do it" whilst very rapidly hitting the "delete" button and being grateful that my kids weren't around to see it.
It could have been worse, it could have been the Polish Farmyard Porn picture with the woman wanking a horse or the Russian Farmyard Porn on with the woman fellating a dog. There are some terribly sick bastards in the world...
I bet those gay boys can give some good tips on giving head, though.
Today's prophesy - Your ass is happy.
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Thursday, August 19, 2004
You have mail, Mistress
Your thin end for today:
Male Bag
My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight. He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
He said - I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.
She said - I'll miss you.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you've succeeded.
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b**tard.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Yeah...
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Male Bag
My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight. He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
He said - I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.
She said - I'll miss you.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you've succeeded.
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b**tard.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Yeah...
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Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Swing it
Your thin end for today:
I just came across a new reason to give people when I just don't see stuff...
"I'm sorry but my conceptual scheme of reality is not programmed to perceive that item".
Damn, that covers my ass completely now (and it's a big ass).
I wonder if there is a similar concept to cover forgetting stuff, too?
Main Entry: pen-du-lum
Pronunciation: -l&m
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin, from Latin, neuter of pendulus
1 : a body suspended from a fixed point so as to swing freely to and fro under the action of gravity and commonly used to regulate movements (as of clockwork)
2 : something (as a state of affairs) that alternates between opposites.
I bought a pendulum the other day. It's a nice round pointy jade one. So now I am getting to grips with Pendulum Power. I showed it to the Witch Doctor the other day and said that I figured the best way for it to get to know me was to hang it round my neck, so that I can tuck it between my boobs (when they aren't tucked inside my waistband lol) and he said it would like that, being nice and close to my heart chakra. I said I thought it just liked breasts. He also lent me a book about them. It's really interesting.
Since then, with a bit of trial and error and changes in suspension material, I have got two of my pendants working, as well.
It sure makes for Spirited debate. ;-)
Today's prophesy - Professionals may not be able to help your crazed other-psyche.
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I just came across a new reason to give people when I just don't see stuff...
"I'm sorry but my conceptual scheme of reality is not programmed to perceive that item".
Damn, that covers my ass completely now (and it's a big ass).
I wonder if there is a similar concept to cover forgetting stuff, too?
Main Entry: pen-du-lum
Pronunciation: -l&m
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin, from Latin, neuter of pendulus
1 : a body suspended from a fixed point so as to swing freely to and fro under the action of gravity and commonly used to regulate movements (as of clockwork)
2 : something (as a state of affairs) that alternates between opposites.
I bought a pendulum the other day. It's a nice round pointy jade one. So now I am getting to grips with Pendulum Power. I showed it to the Witch Doctor the other day and said that I figured the best way for it to get to know me was to hang it round my neck, so that I can tuck it between my boobs (when they aren't tucked inside my waistband lol) and he said it would like that, being nice and close to my heart chakra. I said I thought it just liked breasts. He also lent me a book about them. It's really interesting.
Since then, with a bit of trial and error and changes in suspension material, I have got two of my pendants working, as well.
It sure makes for Spirited debate. ;-)
Today's prophesy - Professionals may not be able to help your crazed other-psyche.
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Sunday, August 15, 2004
Roll over Beethoven
Your thin end for today:
How not to treat your car:
I can think of a few new personalised plates it could have:
I haven't got the heart to suggest any of them to Colin, he still feeling bad cos he broke his Baby :-(
Makes me wanna cry. Poor Miggy.
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How not to treat your car:
I can think of a few new personalised plates it could have:
- STOPMG
- ROLLMG
- FUKTMG
I haven't got the heart to suggest any of them to Colin, he still feeling bad cos he broke his Baby :-(
Makes me wanna cry. Poor Miggy.
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Disclaimer
Some text included in this site has been liberated at (and from) great peril from the internet.
Where possible, credit has been given or is marked as "Unknown", except for jokes - I don't make up jokes. I never was any good at that shit. All other content comes straight from the Brain of Moi.
I reserve the right to retain ownership of my own drivel, hence that pretty little copyright symbol twisting gently just below. Thank you very much :-)
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